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Making Your Move: The Summer Love Blueprint
Beatrice Hazlehurst
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Look, it's rough out there. Online dating has presented us with a myriad of options, and yet, the dating landscape feels desolate. Moreover, when you do see someone hot and person, it's easy to assume they worst: they're taken, they're bad news, or they're just not into you.
If you're single and plan on being outside in a big way this summer, you may as well make it count. Your match could be anywhere — the beach, the pool, the club or even your local coffee shop — the tough part is the approach. Say you muster up the courage to chat up your crush, certain 'tells' to help you distinguish when you're being entertained or just indulged. If you do end up dating and want to take things beyond Labor Day, there are particular interpersonal techniques that help you transition a relationship from a fun fling into something real.
Enter: the experts. Lauren Salaun is a transformational coach and somatic healing expert, who is regularly solicited by singles looking to date with renewed intention and emotional availability. If you follow her advice, and you should, you'll have locked down the object of your desire by the end of the season — or at least enjoyed a fab few weeks.
Say I see chat to my crush everyday at my local coffee shop, how do I progress casual conversation into a romantic interaction?
Two of the biggest mistakes people make are treating every interaction like it has to lead somewhere, and trying to force chemistry. Instead of trying to force anything, focus on creating a genuine moment of connection. Stay present, make eye contact, be yourself, smile, ask a thoughtful question, and if the conversation flows and you’re feeling the connection, don’t be afraid to be the one who says, “I’d love to continue this over coffee or lunch sometime.”
Two of the biggest mistakes people make are treating every interaction like it has to lead somewhere, and trying to force chemistry. Instead of trying to force anything, focus on creating a genuine moment of connection. Stay present, make eye contact, be yourself, smile, ask a thoughtful question, and if the conversation flows and you’re feeling the connection, don’t be afraid to be the one who says, “I’d love to continue this over coffee or lunch sometime.”
How do I know they're also into me, as opposed to being polite?
Mutual interest is usually marked by consistency, not intensity. If someone regularly initiates conversation, finds reasons to spend time with you, remembers small details, and follows through on making plans, those are much stronger indicators than flirting alone. Chemistry can be ambiguous, but intentional effort is much harder to fake. The people who are genuinely interested tend to make it easier, not more confusing, to get to know them and spend time with them.
Mutual interest is usually marked by consistency, not intensity. If someone regularly initiates conversation, finds reasons to spend time with you, remembers small details, and follows through on making plans, those are much stronger indicators than flirting alone. Chemistry can be ambiguous, but intentional effort is much harder to fake. The people who are genuinely interested tend to make it easier, not more confusing, to get to know them and spend time with them.
If I meet someone on vacation, how do I try to optimize our time together without overwhelming them?
The goal isn't to rush the relationship — it's to be intentional about getting to know each other. When people try to accelerate commitment instead of connection, it often creates pressure that pushes the other person away. So how do you be intentional about building a sustainable connection? Ask meaningful questions earlier, share authentically about yourself, and prioritize experiences where you can actually talk instead of relying solely on texting. At the same time, don't skip the natural process of observing someone's character over time. Emotional intimacy can happen quickly, but trust still has to be earned through consistency.
The goal isn't to rush the relationship — it's to be intentional about getting to know each other. When people try to accelerate commitment instead of connection, it often creates pressure that pushes the other person away. So how do you be intentional about building a sustainable connection? Ask meaningful questions earlier, share authentically about yourself, and prioritize experiences where you can actually talk instead of relying solely on texting. At the same time, don't skip the natural process of observing someone's character over time. Emotional intimacy can happen quickly, but trust still has to be earned through consistency.
Should I take someone's booked schedule as a sign they're not interested?
Summer is genuinely busy, so I wouldn't jump to conclusions after one canceled plan or delayed response. Instead, zoom out and look for patterns. Are they still initiating? Are they making an effort to reschedule? Are they showing up consistently when they say they will? If someone is interested, even with a full schedule, they'll usually find ways to maintain connection. If you're constantly guessing where you stand, that uncertainty is usually plenty of information and answer enough.
Summer is genuinely busy, so I wouldn't jump to conclusions after one canceled plan or delayed response. Instead, zoom out and look for patterns. Are they still initiating? Are they making an effort to reschedule? Are they showing up consistently when they say they will? If someone is interested, even with a full schedule, they'll usually find ways to maintain connection. If you're constantly guessing where you stand, that uncertainty is usually plenty of information and answer enough.
How do you maintain momentum if one or both of us is constantly on the move?
Momentum isn't maintained by texting all day — it's maintained by intentionality and consistency. A quick FaceTime, sending photos from your day, or making plans for when you'll see each other next creates much more emotional connection than constant surface-level communication. I also encourage people to continue living full, engaged lives while they're apart. Healthy attraction grows when two people are excited to share their lives with each other, not when they're waiting around for the next text.
Momentum isn't maintained by texting all day — it's maintained by intentionality and consistency. A quick FaceTime, sending photos from your day, or making plans for when you'll see each other next creates much more emotional connection than constant surface-level communication. I also encourage people to continue living full, engaged lives while they're apart. Healthy attraction grows when two people are excited to share their lives with each other, not when they're waiting around for the next text.
How should I approach the "expiration date" conversation as the season comes to a close?
I’m a big fan of having direct, intentional conversations. It's better to have an honest conversation than to avoid it because it feels uncomfortable. You don't need to define the entire future, but you should understand whether you're both looking at this as a fun summer memory or something worth exploring after the trip ends. Clarity isn't pressure — it's consideration. When two people are aligned about their intentions, they can enjoy the connection without unnecessary anxiety or false expectations.
How can I progress a relationship into something more serious when fall rolls around?
The strongest relationships become serious because both people choose to intentionally deepen the relationship. That means integrating each other into your real lives, meeting friends and family, having conversations about values and long-term compatibility, and continuing to show consistency after the excitement of summer wears off. Chemistry may start a relationship, but emotional safety, trust, and shared vision are what sustain it. Those are the things that determine whether a summer romance becomes something lasting.
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