Recently, I had a revelation. It started with an assignment from a therapist, who asked me to try speaking more kindly to myself. "Sure," I said, internally rolling my eyes. Then, I surprised myself—I took her suggestion seriously. Sitting in my car, I repeated the nice things that I'd heard other people say to me. I realized there it was the first time I had said something nice to myself—ever. 

Celebrating yourself is tough. First off, it feels trite. Do I really have to welcome abundance I deserve just because Jupiter is kissing Neptune at midnight next Friday? Then there are compliments—how do I receive those in a way that signals both appreciation, and disagreement (because that's the more likable thing to do)? Finally, what do you mean I have to plan my birthday party?

Between the yoga and journaling and cottage cheese thrust upon us over the last few years, we've heard nothing but the importance of self-love. Nourishing and, ultimately, accepting ourselves is supposed to help us recognize our worth—which, in turn, leads us to jobs and relationships that treat you the way you deserve. The problem is, doing so goes against our every instinct. And we've been conditioned that way. Without getting too philosophical, it benefits capitalism for us to doubt ourselves. The theory being that we buy more in a deficit (jokes on them—because boy do we LOVE to shop when we're up), and for that reason, we're surrounded by messaging that we're not enough. 

So, how do we approach self-love ~practically? I'm not talking anything woo-woo—just grounded, everyday activities, that slowly shift your perspective to ultimately boost your self-compassion, and allow you to be a better advocate for yourself. It's not realistic to think you'll pass every mirror with a smile (Paris Hilton-style) from here on out, but hopefully these tips will help to fall a little bit more in love with you, every day. 

1. Speak to yourself like you would your best friend

Your inner voice is both a powerful tool and the lens through which you see the world. It’s not just about telling yourself you’re beautiful and believing it; it’s about shifting the way you speak to yourself so you can reframe how you see a situation. Swap “Ugh, you’re so dumb” for “I can fix this.” That simple change not only softens self-criticism but also lays the groundwork for genuine self-trust. Bonus points, though, if you look at yourself in the mirror and say something nice. 

2. “Non-negotiable” joy 

This is a tough one. Yes, I'm talking carving out 'me' time that you take as seriously as you might a work deadline. Whether it’s painting for an hour, baking a cake, getting your nails done or reading in the park, small moments of joy remind you that productivity does not just look like financial output. 

3. Keep a compliments catalog

Again, this is going to feel crazy, but go with me. When anyone tells you something nice, especially about a trait that you value—I'm not talking, "hey, sick jeans!"—write it down to refer back to. Feedback about how you are as a friend, or colleague, areas where you excel, even your best feature, are all relevant material for a compliments catalog—and can go a long way on a low day. 

4. Learn to say “no thanks!” (without explanation)

Every “yes” comes at the cost of your energy, and you only have so much to give. Be aware that are well within your right to protect your peace by installing boundaries, and "no" is a complete sentence.

5. Move your body 

As someone who has completely overhauled their relationship with exercise multiple times, take it from me that staying disciplined means finding something you enjoy. Mix it up until you land on something that works, even if it's just walking a mile to a new coffee shop.

6. Keep a promise to yourself 

Another one that, unfortunately, works. When you finish a book you started, or drink the amount of water you said you would, it proves to yourself what you're capable of. If you think of this whole thing like you're actually in a relationship with yourself, self-reliance is self-trust is self-love. Then celebrate small wins!

7. Sit with your own company

It may feel daunting, but how else are you going to get to know you? Go for solo walks (podcast on or thoughts only!), or maybe see a movie alone one of these days. If you're feeling really brave, venture out for dinner alone. It feels crazy at first, but ultimately empowering. 

8. Speak your needs clearly

Self-love is more than affirmations—it’s also advocating for yourself in relationships, at work, and with family. Say what you need. It's the best thing for both parties.  

9. Find a safe space

Where do you really feel #atpeace? Is it in the bed watching your shows? Unwinding in the shower? In your car, even? It's important you have your space to slow down and process, that feels ritualistic. If it's is in the kitchen, maybe cook with headphones on and a candle lit, and request no one else come in while you're whipping something up. 

10. Embrace (don't bury) your big emotions

I know I sniped at journaling earlier, but if you're feeling something, channel it through the pen, or call up a friend and ask if they're comfortable with you letting it all out. Your feelings are valid, and acknowledging them is a way of honoring yourself. Even if it gets a little gross, getting it out helps you to better understand how you got here. 

Essential Self-Love Affirmations

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